whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
