we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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