the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
