he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
