Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
