video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
