so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
