we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
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You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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