Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
