yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
