Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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