I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
