ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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