we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You can't special order awesome
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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