I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
