No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
