Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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