Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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