I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you win again, gameday.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
