PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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