Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
