we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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