so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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