Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
