i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
