There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
