could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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