I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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