I need help removing her.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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