my vag is so smooth its legendary
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
