You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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