It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
