My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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