Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
