His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
foreskin is a definite game changer
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
