I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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