I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
