we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
