I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
