Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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