I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize