i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
