she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
