Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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