You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He? As in you personified your dick?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
