I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
