I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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