one might say we're banned from that church
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
