I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
