I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
