I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
