My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
