He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
