break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
pop tarts are not kleenex
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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