Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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