you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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