Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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