Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
