When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He passed out mid-signature
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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