last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
