When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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