Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
