Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
