Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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