tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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