There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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