I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
