My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
