when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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