She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I believe in your delicious
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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