He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
