Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We are two peas in an std pod
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
