My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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