Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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