Im at strip club and am horny
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I currently don't understand fingers.
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