She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
