New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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