i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
