Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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