Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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