They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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